While on holidays in Transylvania, I met a tall, pale, handsome stranger. We had a romantic dinner. It was love at first bite. We hung out at cool bars and drank Bloody Marys, and we have so much in common, even if his spider collection is creepy. My favourite band is Barry And The Bloodsuckers and so is his. His name is Vladimir, and he’s a Count who owns a real castle although it’s quite small. Photo enclosed, but it’s not very clear because my camera flash just wouldn’t work. Vlad’s castle is run down and he has to work for a living to pay for repairs to the staircase and the dungeon. He’s the local butcher and works really weird hours. We only seem to meet up at midnight after he’s finished work and he sleeps all day. Anyway, our relationship is serious and I want to take him home to meet my parents on October 31. He’s also keen for my family to go and stay in Transylvania, meet his family and see all the sights. Vlad says the graveyards are awesome. Do you think this is a good idea or are our cultures just too far apart for this to work? Yours sincerely, Dorothy.
I really had to think about this one so I went and cooked dinner, added extra cloves of garlic for inspiration and drank half a bottle of Two Paddocks Pinot Noir from New Zealand. Which is a very long way from Transylvania. Vlad would never find you there. Don’t mind me, that’s the wine talking. Cross-cultural relationships are a challenge and differences will arise. Maybe he likes his steak blue and you like yours well done. Perhaps you like to hang out at the beach and he prefers to fly around slaughterhouses. You’ll have to work at it. It would be best if you help your parents get your home ready before he arrives. Hide the crucifixes, garden stakes and kitchen knives, bring out the Night of the Living Dead DVDs if conversation dries up and you need entertainment to jolly things along. As for taking your parents to visit Transylvania, I think that’s great, although judging by the photo, you might want to mow the lawn. Does he need to dig up his family first? Do give him some warning before your parents arrive. If he starts talking about blood transfusions and disemboweling at the dinner table, then you might have a problem.
Now where did I put that bottle of red?
Graciously yours, Sally.
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